Present Moment
When you practice nonreactivity, you do not blame others for your reactions. You accept them as a reaction, not an action, and let it go.
Boyfriend and I just got into an argument due to our reactivity. It really stung. The issues keep coming back because he won’t let them go and he won’t let me let them go (yes, I know I am unemployed mostly due to not putting as much effort as I should have, but I can stop judging myself now, now AND NOW). He justifies comments such as “You’re going to have to borrow money from me, again” as problem solving, when in reality they are focused on the past without regard for the harm they do.
I didn’t mean to invade his emotional space when I called him — I actually thought it was funny how the Universe keeps giving me spankings and chances to be present. I don’t know why he felt the need to problem solve when I did not ask for the problem to be solved. I had already solved it; I was just telling him the silly news because it was a glitch in the system.
He really hurt me. And he wonders why I have troubles not taking it personally. I am trying, and while it’s not as well as other times, I am doing my very best at this moment.
I don’t want to see him, but we have a meetup group tonight. I plan on saying nothing and watching. I am tired, and I will use this for rest.
